Oh, you meant that figuratively


You told me to get a life
I paused and this sank in
Then drew out my knife
I paused and this sank in

I stabbed you twice in the throat and chest
But didn’t graze your head
I wanted to give you time as you bleed out
To rethink what you said

For once I’ve left you speechless
I truly have the last laugh
You grow pale though you’re leechless
But my laugh rings hollow in my throat

I merely followed your advice
You didn’t think that I’d obey?
The life I took was yours
Your words led me astray

I drop to my knees beside you
And cry these useless tears
My regret and sorrow true
As I wish back what I’ve done

This was by no means premeditated
I was influenced by what you said
Things would have ended differently
If you’d told me to drop dead

“Help” you manage to gasp
While struggling for breath
I listen to your desperate rasp
And dial 9-1-1

“An ambulance and cop car please”
I calmly state the facts
The dispatcher sounds frazzled
I tell her to relax

I sit with eyes shut tight
And think myself away
Everything is alright
Everything’s okay

The music swells
All is well
All’s well
All’s swell

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48 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mike Patrick
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 15:26:45

    An entertaining piece, Josh. It’s my first time here. Ya have an interesting site. Think I’ll stick around awhile and do some reading.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 27, 2011 @ 16:05:20

      Haha I can see why you’d think that was my name, but actually this is a cheeky (or perhaps chilling) response to my friend Josh (whose catchphrase IS get a life!) Please– stay, read, perhaps even comment?–(be my guest, if you will) :)

      Reply

  2. Eric 'Bubba' Alder
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 15:29:55

    Um… DON’T get a life? (LOL!)

    I like the progressions, especially the “All is well/All’s swell” one.

    Reply

  3. Aaron Smigielski
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 15:32:37

    Stunning, chilling. Very well written. The end leaves me wanting more, but content with what I got. Well done!

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 27, 2011 @ 16:14:26

      Thank you so much! I love that– wanting more, but content. Hmm… can’t see how I’d carry this further, but perhaps that would be a good exercise. In the meantime you could read a few of my other poems if you really needed another fix. ;) Enjoy the rally!

      Reply

  4. Cassiopeia Rises
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 18:10:46

    Maybe you should post this on The Undead Poets Society. A little grim I think but well written.

    Melanie

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 27, 2011 @ 20:10:30

      There’s such a thing as an “Undead Poets Society”–that’s awesome! A couple of my friends and I formed the Live Poet’s Society at my school–we just met to read and comment on poetry, both original and the greats. I’ll have to check this place out. Thanks :)

      Reply

  5. Jingle
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 18:55:16

    hopeful in the end,
    love the uplifting part.

    Happy Rally.

    Reply

  6. C Rose
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 19:09:59

    I really liked this, very clever word play throughout. Great write ~ Rose

    Reply

  7. Padmavani
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 20:03:21

    Macabre! I haven’t read one in a while. :) These lines made me smile
    Things would have ended differently
    If you’d told me to drop dead

    All’s swell!
    Cheers
    Padmavani

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 27, 2011 @ 22:37:00

      Glad you enjoyed my grim grumblings– Poe is definitely an influence. I like those lines too–a very tongue-in-cheek, foot-in-mouth couplet ;) Thanks so much for your kind comment :)

      Reply

  8. Neni
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 03:31:44

    all is well
    all is well
    all is well

    sounds like a praying… Nice poem… :)

    Reply

  9. Rebecca Ell
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 07:39:31

    Very, very good. Reminds me of ‘Education for Leisure’ by Carol Ann Duffy. Macabre, but also quite darkly humorous. Thank you – I’ll be back for more! x

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 28, 2011 @ 11:55:43

      Wow, had never read that one before–so good, with multiple layers of meaning and such a creepy finish. Glad this one reminded you of it :) Thank you!

      Reply

  10. Ravenblack
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 09:25:45

    Do the reckless advice of others sometimes turn back to hurt them? I’m reminded of certain people I know who sprout a lot of baseless tough talk, I was just wondering if this is the possible end result. Very interesting poem.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 28, 2011 @ 12:01:38

      I’m sure sometimes it does, if suddenly the listener snaps–a sort of “Enough talk, old man” response. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words do twice the damage alone.

      Reply

  11. Kate
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 09:59:11

    Wonderful, very different and dark, but good. It’s made me think. Thanks for the read!

    Reply

  12. haggishead
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 12:24:50

    sort of sick, but sort of great :D

    Reply

  13. charlesmashburn
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 16:30:06

    I believe I’ll drop that phrase from my vocabulary. Just in case I run into someone like the guy in your poem. Yikes!
    Well done. I was reading this and thinking, what the…

    Reply

  14. booguloo
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 18:47:11

    See Ya… wouldn’t wanna be ya… smiles… Nice write although a little scary..

    Reply

  15. Cindy Eksuzian
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 21:24:18

    Gosh, this is quite a poem, forgive me for this next comment but I mean it for your wonderful creativity! THIS COULD BE A VERY COOL BLUESY JAZZ PIECE!

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 28, 2011 @ 21:35:03

      You’re quite forgiven ;) I LOVE that interpretation! I am not musical, unfortunately, but I know a few people who might be able to work their magic on it–would be a fun experiment if nothing else :)

      Reply

  16. Bodhirose
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 00:03:52

    There are some people like that out there somewhere–very literal, creepy and scary…

    Well done–I totally enjoyed it!

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jul 29, 2011 @ 00:10:21

      Quite true–sometimes I lapse into this literal mind (an interesting experience, but never with the extreme outcome depicted here)
      Thank you so much–appreciate your time spent reading and commenting; makes my day :)

      Reply

  17. D
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 09:11:06

    I love the last three lines. It’s hopeful. :)

    Reply

  18. Fountains
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 10:52:36

    I really like the idea behind this – someone telling you to get a life, and you taking one. Superb idea.

    Reply

  19. J Sirrah
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 22:01:58

    This proves that others should be careful as to exactly what they say,for you never know. haha Great vision,great ending.Should you find time,visit,look for “A Shovel and Full Moon”

    Reply

  20. Irene Cortez
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 02:52:28

    I feel like I’m watching a movie while reading this.. Good job! :-)

    Reply

  21. meethimirchi
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 06:23:51

    inspirational :) well done

    Reply

  22. Mike
    Aug 02, 2011 @ 03:49:24

    A great read.
    I will think twice before I ever again tell someone to get a life.

    Reply

  23. swanrose
    Aug 02, 2011 @ 20:25:48

    nice twist very cool…

    Reply

  24. Jake Wilcocks
    Aug 03, 2011 @ 10:30:06

    i love every single word, thought, and feeling of this… one of the best poems i have ever read

    Reply

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