Bruschetta is Better, but Liquor is Quicker

I don't usually talk

A little liquor liaison,
Some eggnog for the occasion–
Poor Joe drank all within his reach
And thus began his stab at speech:

“I drabbled drastic plantations
And shawl fantastic sensations–
I shinnied up Myrtle Beech.”
And thus he stabbed and stabbed his speech.

But as he drew more loquacious,
His mouth a maw so voracious,
His words a slab of marble each–
He stabbed, then carved, to statued speech.

So there he stood proud as a peach–
Stabat Mater his holy speech.



16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sabio Lantz
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 23:56:59

    The Catholic allusions alude me: Stabat Matar


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 00:34:21

      Thank you again for erasing all elusive illusions alluded to πŸ™‚ I am not Catholic, so I am not an expert, but Stabat Mater literally means “the mother was standing” and refers to either the two particular hymns your source referenced, though I was using it (or trying to, at least) in a broader sense to refer to ancient holy hymns in general.


  2. Grace
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 00:16:42

    How creatively you phrased the last line…stabbing and carving his speech ~

    His holy speech is an irony ~

    I have only read your haiku but you write very well in other poetry forms too ~

    Wishing you Happy Holidays ~


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 02:47:15

      Thanks, Grace! Glad you picked up on the irony–though I’m sure there are some that speak more lucidly drunk than sober πŸ˜‰ It’s funny–I guess I do write hordes of haiku, but I still feel foreign to the form. I try to keep a variety of styles, although that usually just means I’m bad at all of them. Hope you have a wonderful holiday season as well! πŸ™‚


  3. Gay Cannon
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 01:15:50

    I thought it was really REALLY funny but then again I was raised Catholic singing high masses which included the Kyries and the Stabat Maters in Latin. It also put me in mind of Hotel California which made me smile all the more – stabbing at the steely beast – ha.and the satire wasn’t lost on me either. Great work. Have an awesome holiday season and a great new year!


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 02:52:13

      Aw, yes! Thanks so much–I’m glad it could provide a laugh. Ah, and I didn’t have Hotel California in mind, but it definitely fits. Thanks again for the wonderful prompt; enjoy the holidays (but try not to make too many speeches)! πŸ˜‰


  4. claudia
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 02:59:52

    His words a slab of marble each–
    He stabbed, then carved, to statued speech— haha..that was good fun… and i’m in for an eggnog any time…just saying..smiles


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 03:16:40

      Haha, thanks! I’m sure there’s eggnog at the bar this time of year–can’t say I’m a huge fan of it personally, but I’d drink with you πŸ™‚


  5. vivinfrance
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 05:04:10

    This was great fun – I love spoonerisms. The Stabat Mater was part of my youth, so I understood the allu-illu-elu-sions! Thank you for following my blog. Welcome to the madhouse!


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 19:04:57

      I can’t say I grew up with the Stabat Mater, but I recently heard a beautiful rendition by a Polish composer PaweΕ‚ BΔ™benek. And you’re very welcome–can’t be any madder than mine! πŸ™‚


  6. brian miller
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 07:50:15

    ha, what a cool way to use the form…the stabbing of the speech was quite vivid…great titling…and i love his speech, lol…i miss the allusions but enjoyed it all the same…eggnog, yum… thing i look forward to every season…and eggnog lattes…


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 19:15:41

      Thanks–I guess I could have ideally used something like Ave Maria, which would be more recognizable (but then I’d lose the refrain). Glad you could enjoy it anyway. Ooh, eggnog lattes? I hadn’t heard of those before–that sounds like a good combination πŸ™‚


  7. Bodhirose
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 12:01:16

    I love your title first of all…very clever. And could picture the imbibed “stabbing” at his speech…well done and totally entertaining. (I’m one of those stragglers.) πŸ™‚


    • wordcoaster
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 19:33:16

      Thank you! Sometimes it takes longer to come up with the title than to write the poem itself, haha. I love stragglers–it’s nice to have company all the time πŸ™‚


  8. kaykuala
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 19:29:14

    Chuckles! Great observation, you’ve captured it very well. Slow, slurred and stabbing speech. Nicely!



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