“Alright, which one of you samurais chopped the moon?”


The lines go by with varied speed,
The skylines treed
Then bare again
Like winter kin.

The clouds form highlights in the sky,
A softened sigh
With stars that light
The whispered night.

The windows on a car or train
Or boat or plane
Are like the Louvre
Because they move!

whisper-from-the-past-by-Patual

Artwork by Patual

For: http://withrealtoads.blogspot.ca/2013/01/marys-mixed-bag-windows.html

http://creativewriting.ie/writing-prompts/

More artwork: http://patual.deviantart.com/

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Russ L
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 15:56:43

    Nice poem and play on words with windows like the Louvre

    Reply

  2. Grace
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 17:32:28

    Nice, I always want to capture the moving scene…my favorite one is the second one ~

    Reply

  3. Mary
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 18:56:38

    I love the way you wrote about seeing through the WINDOW of a moving train and also how you evoked the Louvre. The last stanza made me smile.

    Reply

  4. Mama Zen
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 19:33:32

    Very cool!

    Reply

  5. Susie Clevenger (@wingsobutterfly)
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 23:17:55

    What a creative vision…beautiful

    Reply

  6. Meenakshi Malhotra
    Jan 05, 2013 @ 00:37:16

    Your imagination always enthrals me…very nice!

    Reply

  7. Sherry Marr
    Jan 05, 2013 @ 12:20:22

    “Bare again like winter kin” is especially striking……and I LOVE your title! I love the rhyming and the way your poem sifts down the page in such beautiful images.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jan 05, 2013 @ 15:17:41

      Thank you so much! I liked that line particularly for its multiple shades of meaning, and the title was a remark I made to some friends as we drove through the night. I noticed the moon was irregularly shaped (though similar to a half moon on its side with an extra angled slice taken off the corner). All of them laughed as we realized it was “a dad saying”–guess we really do take after our parents πŸ™‚

      Reply

  8. Hannah Gosselin
    Jan 06, 2013 @ 01:17:33

    “A softened sigh
    With stars that light
    The whispered night”

    This is soothing….

    Reply

  9. Marian
    Jan 06, 2013 @ 12:42:33

    i like the rhyme in this piece.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Jan 06, 2013 @ 20:21:18

      Thanks! I like the Minute form; it has a nice varied cadence that works well to express many different styles. I’ll have to use it more often πŸ™‚

      Reply

  10. Kay Davies
    Jan 06, 2013 @ 18:58:28

    This is beautifulβ€”especially the second stanza because it makes me happy.
    K

    Reply

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Because Russ L asked

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