Distrust


The crust,
The crust,
The dusty crust,
The mantle flows below,
Above the outer, inner cores so deep
Beneath the breath of fire the mountains sneeze unless they are asleep;
So rouse the snoring hounds but let peaked dragons lie alone asleep
Don’t wake them from their rumbling, grumbling deep,
So keep your voices low
On fragile crust,
The crust,
The crust.

For: http://dversepoets.com/2013/08/15/form-for-all-mathematical-series/
I chose to do an ascending and descending Fibonacci sequenced poem–it is somewhat similar to the Diatelle form, except I was counting feet rather than individual syllables.

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36 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. brian miller
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 18:46:38

    this is very cool….like how you move crust to crust…my fav lines though are def the midlines….the mountains sneeze and snoring hounds….def dont wake the dragons…smiles…

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Aug 16, 2013 @ 09:40:04

      Thanks! I had a lot of fun with this math prompt–the poem is kind of like a sandwich, so it makes sense that the best stuff is in the middle πŸ™‚

      Reply

  2. howanxious
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 19:02:42

    good use of words.. crust crust distrust… ha! πŸ™‚

    Reply

  3. Laurie Kolp
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 19:05:02

    I like the mountains sneezing… and your repitition of crust really adds to this. Well done!

    Reply

  4. Marya
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 19:11:42

    Feels like a descent followed by an ascent — really nice!

    Reply

  5. Mary
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 19:21:45

    I like that the poem goes full circle — begins with ‘the crust’ and ends with ‘the crust.’ And so much meaning in between!

    Reply

  6. shanyns
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 19:52:41

    Oooh very good. Love the warning in this, very much (to me!) like a Dwarf poem from Tolkien!

    Reply

  7. BjΓΆrn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 20:29:37

    Oh this was a delight to read. the iambs the thin crust, the wait for an eruption. Like an ominous dance

    Reply

  8. Truedessa
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 20:31:18

    I think it is wise to keep those dragons asleep as one never knows what might happen.

    Reply

  9. hisfirefly
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 21:57:19

    stepping in quietly so as not to rouse the slumbering beast

    Reply

  10. aprille
    Aug 16, 2013 @ 01:37:45

    These feet work beautifully. You make me want to try this now.
    Reading, one forgets about the counting.
    And I’m all for ‘letting sleeping crusts lie’.
    Scary to think what goes on below our feet. [p.t.p.]

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Aug 16, 2013 @ 10:33:53

      Oh, please do try it! It’s quite enjoyable! You’re right–there’s always a hidden danger lurking just beneath the surface. Hopefully we’ll just go with the flow, though, and not run into any faults. Thanks! πŸ™‚

      Reply

  11. Tony Maude
    Aug 16, 2013 @ 03:48:49

    Like Shan, I was taken to thoughts of Middle Earth. I love the rhythm and beat in this; the iambs really help to maintain that.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Aug 16, 2013 @ 10:37:38

      Thanks so much Tony–and thanks for a great prompt; it’s been far too long since I’ve taken part at dverse, but you offered a great opportunity. πŸ™‚

      Reply

  12. claudia
    Aug 16, 2013 @ 05:02:13

    Beneath the breath of fire the mountains sneeze unless they are asleep….this is way cool…love the images

    Reply

  13. Rowan Taw
    Aug 16, 2013 @ 06:02:40

    Loved this and the thought of sneezing mountains. It reminded me of my time living close to the Snowdonia mountain range.

    Reply

  14. hypercryptical
    Aug 16, 2013 @ 15:48:12

    Wonderful write – I shall take heed of your warning and keep quiet!
    Anna :o]

    Reply

  15. viewingcamelot
    Aug 27, 2013 @ 23:56:54

    I’ve been writing poetry all my life, and I have no idea what structures you’re referring to most of the time. You’re so smart. I feel like such a noob. It’s like playing chess without ever studying the great games that came before me… Humbling.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Aug 29, 2013 @ 18:46:20

      Aw, thanks–I hope the use of obscure forms doesn’t make the poems less accessible; I hope that by using them I can pass them on to others, just like so many other poets passed them on to me. πŸ™‚ But if a poet can write a great poem, I don’t care whether he/she uses one form or 1,000. And you can definitely write a great poem–and you also have a variety of styles. As to your comment about chess, it brings to mind a quote from the song “A Sky For Shoeing Horses Under”, in which the singer states, “I only played chess once in my life and I lost.” πŸ˜€

      Reply

  16. viewingcamelot
    Aug 30, 2013 @ 00:00:34

    It definitely doesn’t make it less accessible. I’m genuinely impressed with you. You definitely carry the torch onward. I was (albeit in a self-pitying way) applauding your knowledge of so many various structures, and their origins. πŸ™‚ I think sometimes poems are just statues chiseled from certain moments or feelings or memories or what have you, and it can only help to know your tools. You do. I’m impressed (and obviously envious) πŸ˜€ PS – Love the song quote.

    Reply

    • wordcoaster
      Aug 30, 2013 @ 13:50:32

      I have for the most part stopped journaling entirely, as I’ve found poetry to be just what you described. My exploration of different forms I think is descriptive of my personality, always wanting variety. Last summer when I took public transportation to and from work I had five different buses that I would take, even though one would certainly have sufficed. I am equally impressed and envious of the ways you turn a phrase. πŸ˜€

      Reply

      • viewingcamelot
        Aug 31, 2013 @ 11:02:58

        I love your five buses. I need a marriage of the new and the familiar. (I would take different buses, but sit in the same seat; or take the same bus, and never sit in the same seat. πŸ™‚ ) I love your work, and your versatility. You add value to my day, and most authors who do that are already dead, so I appreciate you all the more. πŸ™‚

        Reply

        • wordcoaster
          Sep 01, 2013 @ 22:13:51

          Haha, I would take one bus in in the morning–see all the regulars and have my dose of familiarity, and then take a random bus back in the afternoon to provide a shot of variety. Seriously, thank you–those are probably the nicest words anyone’s ever said to me. πŸ˜€

          Reply

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